Keeping Grandparents Together

An article in The New Zealand Herald today reported that one in every seven marriages, of grandparents who are raising grandchildren, ends in divorce.  This was reported from a survey of 205 members of the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust.  This is an astounding number since some of these couples have been married over 35 years.  According to the article (October 29, 2009):

“The survey found that children came into their grandparents’ care because their parents were drug addicts (42 per cent), neglectful (37 per cent), alcoholics (26 per cent), or suffered domestic violence (25 per cent), mental illness (23 per cent) or other problems such as imprisonment, physical illness or prostitution or poverty.”

These statistics, I am sure you will find, are pretty consistent across demographic regions.  The separation of marriages has been due in part to financial constraints, change in work patterns, and lack of patience to handle children later in life.

So, what can people do to overcome these challenges and keep their marriages together?  It’s not always easy, and really takes some work and persistence.

Finding local resources for financial assistance is critical, but can also be challenging.  Rules, policies and laws are different from state to state and country to country, so you’ll need to do some research to find resources available in your region.

Some areas provide free and inexpensive legal resources when adoption or legal guardianship is necessary.  This can help qualify families for financial assistance as well.

Another type of free resource available to look into is a local support group for grandparents raising grandchildren.  Meeting with others in the same or similar circumstance allows for opportunities to share ideas and gain support.

Coaching, counseling and conflict resolution programs may also be an option for you.  If you are currently working, many employers have employee assistance programs (EAP) which are part of the employee’s health insurance benefits package.  These services are usually free to employees and family members, and are designed to help employees cope with personal problem that may be affecting their job, such as family issues, major life changes causing stress, and financial concerns.

It is critical to a healthy marriage to keep lines of communication open and talk to one another about your concerns.  It is also important to take time out to be together as a couple and spend some quality time together without the grandchildren.

I know from first hand experience that this is not an easy road and it takes a lot of work.  But as far as the grandchildren are concerned, there is no other option when their health and wellbeing are at stake.

My challenge to you is to seek the support and assistance you need to prevent you from being the one in seven.  What will that be?

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

P.S.  For more information about this topic, please visit my blog post, Lessons Learned from 27 Years of Marriage.