Love and Logic

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

~Stacia Tauscher

On The Grandcoach Live, Wednesday, February 3, 2010, I had a wonderful interview with Jim Fay, co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute.  Jim was very candid about his own parenting techniques that lead to the develop of Love and Logic.

As parents and grandparents, we often get caught up in an intellectual battle over what is fair with our children and grandchildren. It becomes a lose-lose situation because the children become in control and don’t learn how to be held accountable for their actions. This leads to stressed out parents and grandparents.

Jim talked about effective strategies for developing responsible kids that should be implemented as early as possible in their lives.  He emphasized that the more mistakes children can make when they are younger (when the price tag is low), the better the decisions they will make when they are adults.

Some of the techniques used in Love and Logic include:

• Setting firm limits
• Enforcing limits
• Handing it back to the kids when they make a mistake or have a problem to solve
• Using empathy
• Providing delayed consequences
• Learning how to neutralize the issue which prevents the intellectual battles from occurring

Jim also addressed the issue of chores for kids and how important their contributions are to the family.  He suggested sitting down as a family and discussing all the chores required to keep the the household running (such as grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, yard work, etc).

He gave 2 simple rules for chores:

1. Give kids a future deadline that allows plenty of time for the chore to be completed.  For example, taking out the garbage by the end of the day.
2. Never, ever remind them to get it done.

Have a plan of action for consequences, which he refers to as “Training Sessions,” if they do not follow through.  It won’t take long for them to realize you mean business.

When children have a problem that they need to solve, you can guide them to solving it on their own.  He gave 5 steps to helping them find their own solution:

1. Use empathy. For example, “That’s a bummer.”
2. Ask them what they think they’re going to do about it.
3. Ask if they would like to hear what other kids have tried in that situation.
4. Throw out a few ideas to them.  The first one or two should be bad ideas because they will probably reject them anyway.  If you have a good idea, follow it up with, “How do you think that would work?”
5. End with, “Good luck. I hope that works out for you.”

For more information on Love and Logic, you can go to www.loveandlogic.com to sign up for free weekly email tips, view many free articles, and take a look at the products they offer for parents, grandparents and educators.  You can also call the Love and Logic Institute at 1-800-338-4065 between 7 am and 5 pm MST to speak to a live person.

To listen to the recording of the call, click on Episode #5 on the right column, or go to “The Grandcoach Live” on TalkShoe.

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”