Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.

~ Og Mandino

Whether you are new to the grandparent as parent role, or you have been doing this for many years, asking questions is  the essence in building strong and healthy relationships, as well as keeping your grandchildren safe.

If your grandchildren just recently started living in your home, you may not have had the opportunity to get to know them very well.  If they came to you from out of the area or out of state, you may not know a lot about their likes, dislikes, fears or concerns.  Asking meaningful, thought-provoking questions that come from the heart, can help you and your grandchildren get off to a good start and begin building a wonderful relationship.

You and your grandchildren are going through a difficult time right now.  The best thing for all of you is to build a strong and loving relationship that fosters communication.

Sometimes it’s difficult to ask children a lot questions, or know the right ones to ask, especially when you know they are in pain.  But inquiry allows them the opportunity to open up to you and express their feelings.

Since trust may be lacking in their lives right now, this may take some time. You may get short responses at first, but as they begin to trust you, they may open up to you.

The typical question asked during the school year is, “What did you do in school today?” The typical response is, “Nothing.” Your response might be, “That’s a deep subject. Tell me more about that.” Or, you could say, “Tell me about that science experiment you were going to work on today.”  Avoid “yes or no” questions unless you are prepared to ask follow-up questions, since you will probably not get anything more than “yes” or “no.”

Wording questions so they promote an engaging conversation can lead to other topics of interest.  For instance, “Do you like sports?” “What sports do you like?” “Who is your favorite player?” “Tell me more about him/her.” “What do you admire about her/him?” “If you could ask her/him one question, what would that be?”

Starting off by asking general questions about their interests can lead to more personal questions related to their feelings and emotions as they begin to feel more at ease.  For instance, “What makes you mad?”  “What do you do when you get mad?” Asking questions of grandchildren shows them that you care, are interested in what they like and are concerned about how they feel.  It helps build trust and stronger relationships.

The field of coaching is based on the process of inquiry where questions are asked to get to the heart of the issue of concern.  Using this effective process with your grandchildren can promote self-esteem while helping your grandchildren find solutions to their problems and make positive choices in their lives.

Have a Grand Day!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what’s right.

~ Brigham Young

What does independence mean to you?  It is freedom of speech?  Is it choosing your profession?  Is it freedom of religion?  Is it going on vacation when you want?    In celebration of Independence Day in the United States, I would like you to think about what independence means to you.

While the traditional 4th of July holiday is to celebrate the anniversary of the United States’ independence from Great Britain, it is important to remember the importance of the Declaration of Independence, and what it has meant to people throughout history, and what it still means today.

The Declaration of Independence is truly an amazing document especially when you consider the “primitive” state of the nation when it was written, primarily by Thomas Jefferson, and signed on July 2, 1776 to become the backbone of our American system of government.  Because the document is such a deep part of our American heritage, American history and the American spirit, it is an integral part of any study of history in the schools in this country.

Today, Independence Day is a holiday celebrated on the 4th of July with parades, picnics, BBQs, games and fireworks.  It symbolizes the freedoms that people of our nation are privileged to have: the freedom to speak, the freedom to vote, the freedom of religion, the freedom to live anywhere they choose, and the freedom to choose their occupations, just to name a few.  Although independence means different things to different people, it is important to express gratitude for the freedoms you have, and the the opportunities you have to share those freedoms with your grandchildren.

It would do us all well to take some time once a year and take a copy of the Declaration of Independence and read it together with our families.  What a wonderful 4th of July tradition that would make.  Then as you watch the fireworks celebrating the birth of the country and its independence, you will have those words fresh in your heart to remind you of your freedoms and independence you are privileged to have.

To read the Declaration of Independence online, please go to http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/

Have a Grand 4th of July!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

This is dedicated to my dad.  He is my hero and a true Marine.

Stationed on the Pacific island of Tinian during World War II, he survived the unfavorable conditions of wartime military life.  (I won’t go into the details, because I’m sure you can imagine what it might have been like.)  He proudly speaks of his service to his country like it was yesterday, because as many know, once a Marine – always a Marine.

After his service, he returned home to marry my mom, his wife of 62 years now.  However, his battles would not end because the war was over.  He endured even more pain in years to come, including the loss of his father, the loss of his only son (my 16-year-old brother) 6 months later from cancer, and a heart attack 2 years after that.  It would be many years later he would undergo quadruple bypass surgery correct the blockage.

During my brothers fight with cancer, my mom and dad both drove him from Phoenix to Los Angeles every week for treatments.  That, of course, was 40 years ago when treatments were not as sophisticated and the prognosis was not good.

My dad was a successful self-employed artist, an entrepreneur; and although he constantly said, “You can’t make money as as artist,” he did very well in providing for my sister and me, as my mom did as well.  He unfortunately had to give up most of his painting due to macular degeneration, which has left him legally blind.  It has been an ongoing frustration for him to not be able to continue his art – his passion – because of his sight.  However, he has never complained.

One of his other gifts and talents was that of making inventions.  You would often hear one of us telling him, “You should patent that.”  He never did, because his inventions were, and still are, a matter of convenience and not to make money.  If he needed a gadget of some kind, and couldn’t find what he needed at the store, he would make it.  Even if he could find what he needed, he’d make one anyway because his would always work better.

Even after all the struggles he has faced, he continues to be the rock in the family at 87 years of age.  He has single-handedly taken care of my mom (except for driving her to the doctor and hospital) before, during and after her breast cancer mastectomy, and continues to be her rock-solid support.

He asks for no help, and insists he will continue to take care of both of them for as long as he can.  If it weren’t for doctor’s orders, he’d still be climbing up the ladder to check on the roof shingles after a dust storm.  We all put our foot down for that one, too.

So what has kept him so young all these years after everything he has experienced?  His positive attitude, his endless wit and humor, his creativity, his resiliency, and the pursuit of his life’s purpose and passion: his art and my mom, or, “The apply of my eye,” as he so lovingly refers to her.  He also lives by the Marine motto – “Always Faithful.”

Happy Father’s Day, Dad, and Semper Fi!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it.  Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

~Rona Barrett

What are some of the biggest challenges you face as a grandparents raising your grandchildren? Is is money? Time? Balance? Health?  These are not only very common for parents, but for grandparents raising grandchildren as well, so whatever your challenges may be, you are not alone.

Things have changed so much since you were raising your own children: social issues, technology, school and family structure.  Perhaps you are still raising your own children or have taken in your own elderly parents, adding even more challenges to your life.

As a grandparent raising grandchildren, you may have reached obstacles in your life that seem unsurmountable.  Believe me…I’ve been there.

First, it’s helpful to identify those obstacles.  What situations in your life do you see as problems?

Next, I want you to identify what you wish to accomplish in the near future.  Is it to gain control of your finances? Is it to move into a bigger home with your grandchildren?  Is it to plan for your retirement?

The final thing I want you to consider is, how can I help you?  What is it that you may need to  overcome those obstacles.  I want you to think about that and let me know.  I encourage you to comment below.

If you are seeking solutions to your challenges, or even if you just looking for a few resources to help you out, I invite you to join me for a special FREE teleseminar on Thursday, June 3, 2010 at 11am Pacific / 2pm Eastern, “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren – 10 Tips You Need to Know.”  I will be sharing 10 strategies to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.  All you have to do is go to http://thegrandcoach.info/Free_Call.html and enter your name and email address, and I will send you the call-in details.  I will be sharing some key strategies for getting support and helping you work through your biggest (and even little) challenges.

Have a Grand Day!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one.

~ John Lennon

What does “peace” mean to you? Is it being free of war and conflict? Is it having a moment of solitude to enjoy the quiet?  Is it being in a spiritual place or religious house of worship? Or is it through meditation and relaxation strategies?

Whatever method you choose to find peace, it should be a method in which you really connect and one that truly resonates with you.   It should be a method that takes you to a place of comfort and joy.

A part of finding more peace in your life is clearing away the external factors that create stress, and coming from a more positive place.  To start, I recommend avoiding the news as if it were the plague.  It is filled with crime, hate and negativity that you do not need in your life.  I stopped watching the news over a year ago because it was so emotionally draining before I went to bed.  I prefer to laugh before I go to sleep.

The next step is to start a gratitude journal.  Make a point to acknowledge at least three things every day for which you are grateful.  You can write them down in a diary, journal, a notebook, on your computer or you can verbally acknowledge them.  Whatever you choose, it is important to remember that gratitude leads to abundance in your life.

Another way of finding peace is by finding forgiveness in your heart for things that may not have gone the way you expected.   Perhaps it was someone who said unkind words to you, a boss who fired you, or that person who nearly ran you off the road on your way to the store because s/he was on their cell phone.  Find it in your heart to forgive and let bygones be bygones.

Another way of finding peace in your life is to find a spiritual or religious connection.  Whatever or whoever is your spiritual guide, let it or them help you find that peace that you need.

Meditation is another way of creating more peace in your life.  As I read Dr. Joe Vitale’s book, Attract Money Now last night, I found one of many gold nuggets on his Attract Miracles website.   Just by going to http://www.attractmiracles.com/ and entering your name and email address, you will receive a FREE 20 Minute Guided Meditation MP3 instant download.  It is designed for you to listen to every day to help clear your mind and attract miracles.

The last place I want to direct you for finding more peace is by reading Finding Peace in Your Life.  This is an excerpt from my e-book, 10 “Grandcoach” Survival Tips for Grandparents Who Are Raising Grandchildren.  You can download my simple instructions for designing a “quiet place” in your own home by going to http://thegrandcoach.com/Peace.html.

Finding more peace in your life reduces stress and helps you focus on the positive aspects of your life.  I invite you to use these strategies often.

Have a Grand Day!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

Education either functions as an instrument which is used to facilitate integration of the younger generation into the logic of the present system and bring about conformity or it becomes the practice of freedom, the means by which men and women deal critically and creatively with reality and discover how to participate in the transformation of their world.

~ Paulo Freire

When you were in school, did you ever feel that your teacher(s) didn’t understand you?  Do your grandchildren say the same thing?  The problem here is that you all may be right.

When I was in school, some teachers had their own teaching style and it was up to the students to conform to that style.  There was very little concern for the learning styles or personality types of the students.  I found that to be more common in university liberal studies courses where 200 students were crammed into a lecture hall to learn anthropology, sociology or psychology.

I feel very fortunate that I had many excellent teachers that strived to incorporate a variety of teaching methods into their lessons, making learning fun for all.  They were the inspiration behind my choice to be a teacher, and those who helped develop my love of learning.

Not every child is as fortunate as I was.  For instance, some children may go to school wanting to talk and interact with others and to work in groups.  Others may want to use their hands or work quietly by themselves.  Other children may need continuous assurance from the teacher that they are doing a good job.  Yet other children may find that too much structure gets in the way of their creativity.  Whatever the case, teachers who recognize the individual needs of each child are better equipped to promote success in their students.

Times are changing now, and many schools focus on understanding children as individuals and not as a classroom.  On the other hand, those teachers who only utilize one type of teaching strategy are setting some children up for failure.  They will get bored and frustrate, and will only learn to hate school.

Understanding different personality types is critical in developing a healthy learning atmosphere for children.  Providing mutiple opportunities for success and optimal learning is a recipe for a positive experience in school.

Personality type assessments have been growing in popularity over the past 30 to 40 years because of the value they have in helping people build stronger relationships, communicate more effectively and even find the ideal career.  In education and learning, the understanding of personality types can help build self-esteem in children, improve student retention, and encourage successful learning by providing children with the opportunities to experience learning in a manner that is preferred and more closely suited to their personality type.

It is just as important to understand your grandchildren’s personality type as it is for their teachers.  Recognizing their needs in learning and ensuring their needs are being met, are important for their success.  This can be accomplished by communicating with their teachers and recognizing their needs at home when it’s time for homework.

If you have grandchildren who are struggling in school, I invite you to read an article called, “No More Dropouts With True Colors.”  This article provides an overview of the True Colors personality type assessment and the positive effects it has had on today’s education.

For more information about personality type assessments and how they can help you and your grandchildren, please Contact Me for a free consultation.

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

~ Sydney J. Harris

April is “Stress Awareness Month” and yesterday (16th) was “National Stress Awareness Day. “  To celebrate stress relief, I’ve come up with 6 “RELIEF” strategies for reducing stress.

If you are a grandparent raising grandchildren, or know someone who fits this description, then you are aware of the stress associated with change and being a second-time-around parent.  It is not the grandchildren who are causing the stress, because you know what a blessing it is to have them around.

Stress comes from changes in your financial status, changes in the family structure and schedules, and the reason you needed to take in your grandchildren.  Any time you experience sudden or drastic change in your life, you experience stress.

Stress can cause some very common health-related problems including fatigue, insomnia, high blood pressure, cancer, stroke, heart attacks and other illnesses.  Unless you take control and learn how to manage the stress, it may lead to chronic illness and sudden death if not managed properly.  Your grandchildren need you, so it is important to take care of yourself.

The 6 Steps of Stress RELIEF can help you gain control of what is causing you stress and help you lead a more peaceful life.

RELAX

Yes, I know. It is easier said than done.  With a few quick strategies to do during the day, you will start feeling more relaxed.  Start by writing down what is causing you stress; then, write down possible solutions.  Sometimes writing it down can help inspire solutions.

Keep a gratitude journal.  Daily gratitude helps keep you focused on what is good: raising your grandchildren and having them close to you. When you focus on the positive things, more come your way.

EAT RIGHT and EXERCISE
The food that we eat has a profound affect on our attitude and well-being.  Eating natural, whole foods will help you feel better, have more energy and reduce the stress that accompanies poor eating habits.

Of course it is a well known fact that exercise is good for you.  It helps reduce the stress hormones in your body that create health problems.   Enjoy a nature walk with your grandchildren.  Whether you go out in the back yard or go to the park, this will keep you all healthy and happy.

Exercising your mind can also reduce stress.  Books, puzzles, brain teasers and games are tools to keep your brain active, and can also be incorporated into activities with your grandchildren.

LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH
Enjoy the special moments with your grandchildren. Playing games, baking cookies, having a tea party or watch funny movies together will help build that special bond between you and your grandchildren while helping you relieve your stress.

INNER PEACE
Inner peace can be found through meditation, faith and spirituality.  This is a more personal area of which you need to determine how to address this.  It may involve prayer, going to church or having a few moments alone to meditate.

ENVIRONMENT
Additional family members living in your home can lead to clutter and limited space.  Making room for your grandchildren so that they have a place to store their toys, clothes and personal possessions, can help you all feel more relaxed.  If space is an issue, consider getting rid of thing in your home that you do not need any longer.

FAMILY and FRIENDS, or Other Support Systems
Your grandchildren are true blessings.  Building communications with them, involving them in conversations and sharing experiences, are excellent ways of building that bond between you and reducing stress.  Other family members, whether inside or outside the home, or close friends, can be a source of comfort during stressful times.

If stress becomes too overwhelming, or you do not have people close for a source of support, you may want to consider hiring a coach or seeking counseling before the stress becomes too great.

To begin your stress relief journey, I challenge you to make a list of those strategies you are going to implement and put them into action.  By doing so, you are inviting gratitude, balance and tranquility into your life.

Have a Grand Day!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.

~ Dr. Seuss

I had an amazing interview with Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D. on “The Grandcoach Live” today.  Dr. Armstrong, who is one of my idols in the field of education, is the author of 14 books, including In Their Own Way, 7 Kinds of Smart, The Myth of the A.D.D. Child, Multiple Intelligences in the Classroom, and his forthcoming book, Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences.

During the interview, he shared his research on “neurodiversity,” or brain differences, in children. Neurodiversity, a concept identified by the autism community about 10 years ago, focuses on the importance of recognizing the gifts and talents of children with autism.  Dr. Armstrong’s work further captures the amazing gifts and talents of neurodiverse children, such as the mechanical, mathematical and systematical abilities of those with autism; the illustrative, artistic and kinesthetic abilities of those with dyslexia; and, the imaginative, spontaneous and change-oriented gifts of those with ADHD.

Throughout history, society has done such a disservice to children with brain differences by labeling them with less than favorable terms.  As researchers like Dr. Armstrong have identified the extraordinary gifts of these children, the negative labels are being eliminated while their strengths and talents are beginning to shine.

Creating a universal design for learning, where children with ADHD, dyslexia and autism can be educated in neurodiversity classrooms with children without brain differences, can benefit all children as they learn to work together, adapt to their environment and appreciate the differences of each other.  This is a phenomenal concept!

Thank you Dr. Armstrong for your research, resources and ongoing commitment to helping children experience life in a positive way.  I can’t wait for the release of your new book on May 11th!

You can pre-order Dr. Armstrong’s book, Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences, on Amazon.com.  You can also read more from Dr. Armstrong on his blog by going to Neurodiversity – The Book.

Have a Grand Day!

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

P.S.  To listen to or download the recording of the interview, go to Episode #9 of “The Grandcoach Live,” or click on the TalkShoe widget in the right column.

The most essential factor is persistence – the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.

~ James Whitcomb Riley

As I watch the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C. on our television, I am astounded by the sportsmanship, the talents and the abilities of the athletes.  What is even more amazing is hearing the stories of the trials, tribulations and sacrifices some of them have encountered just to get there.

Many of these athletes began their Olympic journey as small children when their parents enrolled them in school or after school sporting activities.  Some of the 2010 athletes are as young as 15 or 16 years old, and some have remarkable stories to tell of how they persevered to get to the winter games.  One of the female figure skaters had actually left her home country to seek citizenship in another so she could train with the best trainer in her field.  Her birth country called her a traitor.

Some of the athletes arrived with injuries that could have had prevented them from competing.  However, downhill skier Lindsay Vonn from the United States was persistent in her efforts and earned a gold and a bronze medal in the Ladies’ Downhill and Ladies’ Super-G respectively, despite her bruised leg causing her pain.  Aksel Lund Svindal of Norway won a gold medal in the Alpine Skiing Men’s Super-G after a serious crash on the slopes in 2007 left him with facial fractures and lacerations to his abdomen and groin.

One of the athletes who has a particularly heartwarming story is 22 year old Men’s Moguls Gold Medalist, Alexandre Bilodeau of Canada.  In the 2006 Olympics, he finished 11th, but later became the youngest athlete to win a World Cup moguls event.  His inspiration behind his win – his older brother Frederic with cerebral palsy, who is also one of his heroes.  It’s no doubt that persistence was a factor leading to his win.

Another athlete with a heart of gold is snowboard silver medalist in the Ladies’ Halfpipe, Hannah Teter from the United States. At 23 years old, Hannah, and her company Hannah’s Gold, uses her contest winnings and the profits from selling Vermont maple syrup and organic sweat bands to help people in Kirindon, Kenya.  The funds are helping to pay school fees, support a clean water project, support sustainable farming initiatives and to help HIV patients.

It is evident by watching the Olympics that not only have these athletes dedicated themselves to competing in their sport, they have developed long lasting friendships with their fellow team mates as well as with athletes from other countries.  They demonstrate a true sense of comaraderie among them, as well as philanthropy and spirit.

Participation in sports has so many benefits for children, and being able to see athletes who are true role models as young adults is important as well.  By helping your grandchildren find a sport of interest and supporting them as they develop their skill, they will build strong and healthy bodies while developing friendships inside and out of school.

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

Think left and think right and think low and think high.  Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

~Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

On Wednesday, February 10, 2010, I had the honor of interviewing internationally recognized child educational psychologist, associate clinical professor of psychology at UCLA, speaker and media personality Charlotte Reznick, PhD. on The Grandcoach Live. The interview was more than I could have imagined as she spoke about her recent publication, The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success.

Dr. Reznick shared nine imagery tools she uses with children and adolescents in a variety of situations including: getting to sleep, overcoming fear, dealing with bullies, improving in sports, getting along with siblings, coping with loss and controlling anger. Her strategies allow children and adolescents to use their imagination to combat the most challenging problems they have in today’s society.

Dr. Reznick developed a positive coping skills program called Imagery for Kids TM that she uses to teach children how to use their imagination to understand and manage their feelings, solve problems creatively, and strengthen their self-esteem.  You can find out more about her program and therapeutic CDs for kids by going to www.imageryforkids.com.  She also had a number of free articles to download, and her top 10 list of “What Kids Most Want and Need from Their Parents” (and grandparents).

To listen to the podcast, please click on Episode #6 on the right hand column, or click on the TalkShoe link on the right to take you to “The Grandcoach Live.”

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”