Grandparents raising grandchildren want to keep their grandchildren safe, but with all the dangers in today’s world that’s getting harder to do.  A big concern for many grandparents is drugs.  While it’s best to stop your grandchildren from doing drugs before they start, there are things you can do if you suspect a problem.

If you suspect your grandchild is doing drugs, talk to them.  And I mean, just talk; no yelling, screaming or accusations.  Prepare what you’re going to say ahead of time so you don’t say something you didn’t intend to.  Tell them you suspect they’re taking drugs and cite your reasoning.  Give specific, documented examples of behavioral changes.  Explain that you’re just trying to help them, but if they don’t tell you what’s going on with them, you’re going to have to take further steps.  But be careful, what you perceive as drug use could just be caused by problems at school, problems with friends, or even depression.

If your grandchild doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on, you need to stick to your word and take further steps to find out if they’re using drugs.  Check your grandchild’s room.  If you have a good relationship with their friends, ask them if they have noticed anything.  Make your grandchild justify where their money is going.  Also, make sure you know where your grandchild is at all times, including checking school attendance records.

Once you have confirmation of your grandchild’s drug use, seek outside help.  There are literally hundreds of people and organizations ready and willing to help you and your grandchild.  If you don’t know where to start, talk to your grandchild’s doctor, counselor, or minister.  They may be willing to speak to your grandchild directly and recommend organizations and treatment programs to you.  You must remember that you are not alone!

If you can’t find any evidence that your grandchild is doing drugs, take them to a pastor or counselor.  Let them talk in individual sessions.  Your grandchild may not be opening up to you, but at least they will be getting help somewhere.

Drugs can be a terrifying prospect for any grandparent.  Just remember to stay calm and get help.  It may be a long road to recovery, but if you stand by your grandchild and identify the problem early on you will have a better chance of helping them.

For more information on talking to your grandchildren about substance abuse, please go to Time To Talk.

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

An area of particular concern today is safety on the Internet.   Sending emails and instant messages along with surfing the web and participating on social media sites such as MySpace, have been a way of life for many children and teenagers.  Unfortunately, children are subject to the lure of Internet predators and are at great risk of falling into their trap.

Internet safety is a concern that is new to this day and age, and one that was non-existent when parents were raising their children 25 or more years ago.  As grandparents raising grandchildren, there are several strategies you can implement to help keep your grandchildren safe from on-line predators:

• Ask your grandchildren quetions about their Internet activity and engage them in conversation about the dangers.  Emphasize that people of whom they cannot see, are not always who they appear to be.
• Keep computers in a location where you can monitor what they are doing.  When computers are visible, children are less likely to access sites they shouldn’t. Follow up by checking your grandchildren’s Internet history.
• Put time limits on their Internet use, just like television. When there are restrictions on time, children are less likely to get involved in conversations with strangers.
• Educate your grandchildren on the importance of never sharing their name, address, phone number, age or even the name of their school.
• Filter your grandchildren’s Internet use and/or invest in child Internet protection software.  These software programs allow you to set time limits on activity, monitor chat lines, filters & blocks websites, and alerts you of potential predators.
• Go to the website Enough is Enough and view statistics on Internet safety and download the document, “Rules ‘N Tools Checklist” for an in-depth list of Internet safety guidelines.

Next Wednesday, January 20th at 1pm Eastern, I invite you to my radio talk show program on TalkShoe where I will be interviewing Kindergarten Teacher, Adrianna Kruse.  Adrianna is the author of Little Red Hoodie, which is a different take on the classic Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale, that teaches children about Internet safety.  Please mark your calendars!

Until then, Have a Grand Day!

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

We must be the change we wish to see.

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Human Rights Day was created by the United Nations to promote awareness of the importance of Human Rights issues around the world. On this date in 1948, the UN General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Each year, the United Nations, establishes a new theme for the year. The theme for 2009 is “Non-discrimination.”

The sad truth about human rights is that the opportunities of many around the world are hindered by discrimination.  People are discriminated upon based on race, religion, age, gender, education, socio-economic status and lifestyle preferences.  Even though there are 30 Human Rights in the Declaration, discrimination still exists leaving people all over the world jobless, uneducated, homeless and starving.

So, with this being said, have you experienced discrimination? Have you been denied opportunities based on your age, health, financial situation or  family status?  Have your grandchildren been discriminated upon based on their family situation?

If any of these resonate with you, I encourage you to watch the video below and visit http://www.humanrights.com for more information about Human Rights.  I would also recommend that you to visit http://www.youthforhumanrights.org to encourage your grandchildren to be involved in protecting their Human Rights and so that they become advocates of tolerance and peace.

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana

“The Grandcoach”

National Grandparents Day is a 31 year old tradition, founded Marian McQuade (1971 – 2008) whose passion was to help lonely elderly individuals in nursing homes.  The spirit of her legacy continues as this day marks a time of giving and sharing between grandparents and grandchildren.  But let’s not forget that everyday is Grandparent’s Day!

For those of you who are grandparents, I hope you have a very special day with your grandchildren. If you are fortunate enough to have your grandchildren living in your home, or at least living nearby, there are a variety of activities you can do to make this day special for both of you. You can:

* Put together a scrapbook with photos and artwork
* Have a tea party
* Play music and sing while baking cookies
* Make a special project together
* Read stories together
* Tell stories together
* Have a picnic in the backyard
* Paint your hand alongside your grandchild’s hand, add a special poem and date it for the future.
* Play a card or board game
* Put together a jigsaw puzzle
* Have a treasure hunt
* Make a time capsule
* Do a science experiment

If you live a distance away from your grandchildren, think about engaging in technology to connect with them.  The use of digital cameras, video cameras, web cameras, blogs, email and social networking is a great way of getting in touch with your grandchildren.

If you do not feel particularly computer savvy, a great resource to learn helpful tips for connect with your grandchildren is GrandparentTLC.  This is a blog full of useful tools to help you navigate through Web 2.0 technology (i.e., all those things I listed above).

Wherever your grandchildren are, I hope you have a wonderful day connecting with them and enjoy your day!

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

Saturday, September 5, 2009 marks the 127^th anniversary of the first U.S. Labor Day in New York City, which recognizes the achievements of American workers.  It also happens to be my daughter’s and granddaughter’s birthday, so Happy Birthday Jamie and Michelle!

During this fun-filled weekend, which we also recognize as the end of the summer break, families are involved in a variety of activities to get their last bit of fun time in before fall. Typical highlights are swimming, boating, fishing, camping, BBQs and travel to visit the family.

What would Labor Day be without some helpful safety tips for the holiday? Having a background in emergency services, safety is always on my mind.  So, here is a reminder of a few safety tips to keep your weekend enjoyable while protecting your children and grandchildren.

1. Watch children around pools, lakes, rivers, streams and oceans.  Every year, thousands of drownings and near drownings occur, and many of them are children.  Even if children know how to swim, never let them swim alone. It only takes a few seconds for something to happen. Also, remember to use safety vests when in boats, canoes and on other watercraft.
2. Watch children around fire, and put out your fires.  Labor Day weekends are fun for BBQs and campfires.  Communicate the dangers of being around fire, while teaching children the importance of extinguishing a campfire and BBQ to prevent wild fires.
3. Remember the sunscreen.  Children are not immune to skin cancer because they are young.  Frequent exposure to harmful UV rays can cause skin cancer later on, so protect their skin.
4. Always buckle up.  Even if you are only driving down the street to the neighbor’s house, a seat belt is a must.  Statistics show from a variety of sources that 1 in 3 car accidents occur less than 1 mile from home.
5. Use helmets for bikes, skateboards and ATVs.  Preventing brain injuries in children is a must.
6. And last, but not least…know Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). A few hours of training can save a life.  Many classes are free to the public, and are now offered online for a reasonable fee.  However, I would recommend the live training version to get the hands-on experience.

There you have it.  Today’s action is to have a very safe and enjoyable holiday weekend!

Warm regards,

Kay L. Fontana
“The Grandcoach”

P.S.  If you have a good safety tip that I didn’t list, please leave a comment and share it with others.

On Monday, my husband and I celebrated our 27 year wedding anniversary.  It’s hard to believe in some ways, but in others, it doesn’t seem that long ago.  We have had some amazing adventures that I will never forget, but have also learned a few things to pass on to others.

So what have I learned over all these years?  Here are just a few:

1. Never take things for granted.  You never know when something will change your life forever, so it is important to remember to cherish every moment you have with your children, grandchildren, family and friends. This is something you can teach your children and grandchildren whether they are living with you or not.
2. Agree on discipline strategies for your children and grandchildren.  If you don’t, they will get mixed messages and will not learn to make appropriate choices.  Offer choices, be consistent and follow through with the consequences, but do it with love.
3. Find your purpose early in life.  When you know your purpose in life, you can live a purposeful life.  I struggled with finding my purpose for years, and if I had understood my purpose earlier, I may have been able to help many more people in finding theirs.  No regrets, I’m just passing this on to you.  Help your children and grandchildren find their purpose and set some goals so they can live a purposeful life as well.
4. Spend wisely and plan for your future.  The economy is such an unstable part of our lives, and you never know when it is going to go down the tanker.  So, plan ahead and find a professional who can help you invest in your future.  Teach your children and grandchildren to do the same.  Teach them “money sense.”
5. Laugh and have fun.  We have spent 27 years finding ways of laughing and having fun, many of which do not require a lot of money.  It’s not how much money you spend, it’s the time you spend together that is important.  A few of our favorite pastimes are picnics on the beach and camping in the forest.  Of course, we live in Phoenix now, so the drive is a bit longer.
6. Take lots of pictures.  One of my hobbies is photography, so thank goodness for digital cameras! We have 21 years worth of photos and photo albums (I stopped using film about 6 years ago) in boxes.  If you can, invest in a good digital camera and download your pictures to an online photo gallery. I use Picasa which is free and available with a Google email (gmail.com) account.  Picasa allows you to catalog your pictures into albums and sort them however you want.  You can send the link to your photo gallery to your family and friends, and share your memories with anyone anytime.  Picasa also allows you to set your albums for public or private viewing, so your more personal family photos don’t have to be shared with the world.
7. Pay it forward. The act of doing good deeds as repayment of good deeds you receive is something you can teach your children and grandchildren.  I call these selfless acts of kindness.  Remember people who have helped you by helping others in return.

These are the few that really stand out.  After 27 years, we can still learn from these to pass on to the next generation, our grandchildren.

What would the world be like without grandparents? I think it would be a very sad and empty place. Whether you are a grandparent who is only able to visit your grandchildren periodically because of distance, or you are a single grandparent raising 6 grandchildren on your own, you make tremendous contributions to this world.

You have not only raised your children, but you can go beyond that by helping your grandchildren learn and grow. You are able to provide them with great insight into your past by painting a picture of your life, your experiences, your work and family values. You can also share the politics, wars, technology, music, dance and entertainment of your era, which provides tremendous educational value.

You are teachers, historians, counselors, coaches, homemakers, travelers and financial planners. You provide encouragement, self-esteem, advice, support, reassurance, shoulders to cry on, honesty, hugs, kisses, unconditional love and cookies. You are caring, understanding, sympathetic, loyal, dedicated, fun, humorous, and giving. And when the going gets tough, you’re always there, willing and able to lend a helping hand.

If you are a grandparent who is raising your grandchildren, you may not want to ask for help because, after all, you are the one that has always helped out when someone needed you. That’s why your grandchildren are there with you now.

There is nothing wrong with asking for assistance in your situation. That is why there are so many resources available to help grandparents raising grandchildren, because 1) it is a growing trend, and 2) you shouldn’t have to do it alone.

Be aware of resources available in your community as well as on the internet. Take advantage (I know…not in your vocabulary) of what they have to offer. In the right column, you’ll find some resources available that I have bookmarked for your convenience. I’m continuously updating the list, so check back often for more. You have dedicated your life to helping others, and I’m dedicating my life to helping you.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

~Doug Larson

This blog post is dedicated to baby boomers and all other grandparents who are raising grandchildren.

You are a unique group of people.  You have dedicated your lives to raising your children, and now, you’re dedicating your lives to raising your grandchildren.  Out of compassion, love and unselfish acts of kindness, you have taken on a new, but also continuing roll as a parent.

Some of you may not have even known your grandchildren before they came to live with you because they were living in a distant city, or even another state.  However, you did what you needed and wanted to do, and that was to ensure your grandchildren had a safe, happy and loving home in which to go after they got out of school each day.  So for all of you grandparents out there, I dedicate this to you.

A grandparent’s love is there everyday,
That’s why your children’s children are with you today.

A grandparent’s work is never done,
So always make time to have more fun.

A grandparent’s life is filled with joy,
When grandchildren are around, whether girl or boy.

A grandparent’s home is warm and caring,
Your grandchildren do appreciate your giving and sharing.

A grandparent’s heart is filled with love,
Because grandchildren are like angels who were sent from above.

Whether you are Grandma or Grandpa or Nana or Pops,
Your grandchildren will always think you’re the tops.

If you and your grandchildren are separated by miles,
Then tap into technology to bring both of you smiles.

Keep faith and hope and joy in your heart,
Because your grandchildren were blessings right from the start.

~ Kay Fontana
“The Grandcoach”